Here is a basic primer to the very special dialect of English spoken by EAST INDIANS.

1. Always use 'd' for 'th'
- For example: Dere for there; dat for that; taut for thought and tink for think.

2. Never pronounce 'h'. 'H' is always silent
- For example: 'ouse, 'ome, 'orrible.

3. Use 'wat' for what, even if there's no question asked or implied.
- For example: "You coming wit me, wat?"

4. Use a Hindi/Marathi verb with an English ending 'ing'.
- For example: Lagaoing.

5. To emphasize your point, use words twice.
- For example: "Aayee Nobby, walk fast-fast men or we'll miss da train."

6. Use the word "men", even if speaking to a woman.
- For example: "Aayee Gracie, 'ow you feeling now, men?"

7. Use the word 'no' even if the sentence doesn't have a negative connotation.
- For example: "Aayee Eric, Gracie makes good rice pulao, no?"

So now dat you got de 'ang of de language, 'ere some masterpieces of Macapao English, men:

SITUATION # 1:
Meeting Larry on Saturday morning in the bazar
- "Ow you men, Larry?"

SITUATION #2:
Larry's wife explaining how she bought fish at lunch later that day.
- "Da Koli woman no, was giving me dis dis small-small pomflit for bledy fifty rupees men. I told 'er not to do s'aan patti wid me, men."

SITUATION #3:
Elderly men from the gaothan talking at the local Irani joint during Sunday morning sermon.
- "Aare, dat bledy Sandy no, yesterday 'e lagaoed solid whisky at the communion party men."

SITUATION #4:
Spinster aunty yelling to school boy in Chuim village
- "You don't 'ave any sense, wat riding cykal so fas'-fas’, men"

SITUATION #5:
Cheering at Supari Talao during a football match
- "Cum, men Savio. Put tru men, put tru!"

SITUATION #6:
After a Saturday night binge...
- "Aaye, what men, bloody basket! what you are saying aboud my fadder and mudder?"

SITUATION #7:
Boys stealing mangoes in the afternoon in Rathodi village, near Malwani.
- "Aare see dere men, dere! Aare lef’ men, big bugger dere! Hit one s'ot with da catty men."

SITUATION #8:
Family rosary in the Pereira household
- "'Ail Mary, full of grace, da Lord is with dee, blessed art t'ou... Norma! NORMAA! Jus' see if da back door is locked… amongst women and blessed is da fruit of t'y womb Jesus.... it's closed no? OK baba...'oly Mary, Mudder of God…"

SITUATION #9:
Swapping recipes while standing and gossiping at the junction
- "You know T'eresa, dat day I took little ginger garlic, little onion, so much so much masala I ground, put chicken and da curry came out good men."