Caller : Are you Vinay Kumar  ??

You: Yes

Caller : Govt is planning to  sell Air India. Are you interested in buying them?

You : Me?... I am a  middle class fellow. I can't afford. I can barely manage my home loan, car loan, kids school fees, parents medical expenses, home bills and save a little thereafter  !! 

Caller: That's why we asked. Later don't blame Modi saying he sold Air India to Ambani, Adani etc.
😜😟😟

If you love someone, set them free.
Petrol is Rs.88 per litre.
How far will they go?
😆

👇 Test your ears....... and see if you can hear the sounds relative to your age ....   

Press the 'I can't hear it' button when u cannot hear the sound anymore

https://www.echalk.co.uk/Science/biology/hearing/HowOldIsYourHearing/resource.html

Neighbour Aunty has a sprain in the waist....

























































































































































































































































 Now you have rubbed enough, she’s fine
 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😃😃😄😄😆😆😆😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😙😙😙😘😘💌

A lady cooked a curry and posted its pic on FB
Later at the dining table...

Husband: “Oh dear , looks like you forgot adding salt to the curry"

Wife : “What the hell! This curry got 253 Likes on FB and also 98 people commented 'Yummy'. 

You are only one who always complains.
 😡😡😂😂

Wife sent a message to her husband : Dont forget to buy the nightdress i liked and Savita says hi.

Husband : Who is Savita?

Wife : Nobody. I was just making sure you read my message.
😂
😂
😂

Extra Marital affair, Criminals contesting elections, rape, murder, extortion, lynching NOT an offence.

Then what is offence?

Answer : Not wearing a helmet
🙄😝

Gm 

Big sale on Amazon and Flipkart today
If you login, you can save up to 60%

.
.

But if you don’t login, you can save 100%.
🤭🤭

I was hugged by a thief last night on my way home. 

Pointing a knife at me ... He asked me "your money or your life!"

I told him I am Married... so I have no money and no life...

We hugged and cried together. 

It was a beautiful moment...😁😄

Dog watches horror film... hahahaha

I asked my dad to treat me exactly like my brother and now I'm tweeting this from the Electricity Boards Office standing in line to pay the bill. 

#SayNOtoEqualityForDaughtersDoingBillPayingWork 🙄

I asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby.

Apparently, that's NOT allowed if the baby is yours!!😟

HALLOWEEN COSTUME 

He put a Halloween mask on his dog

🤣🤣🤣🤣

HALLOWEEN COSTUME 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Two White Men in New York were standing around and taking a break in their soon-to-be new store. 

As yet, the store wasn't ready, and didn't even have the shelves set up. 

One commented to the other, "I bet any minute now some Indian guy is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling." 

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old Indian man walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, 

"Vat yo sellin' here?" 

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling idiots." 

Without skipping a beat, the old Indian man answered,
"Must be doing well, only two left !!!

👌🏻😉😁😂🤣
No Panga with.. Indians!!!!!!!!!!!

By the time the morning service was to begin, only one man was in the church.

The priest said to him, "It looks like everyone has slept in. Do you want to go home or should I preach the sermon?"

The man replied, "When I go to feed the chickens and only one comes, I still feed it."

The priest took that as a yes, mounted the pulpit and delivered an hour-long sermon.

At the end, he asked the man what he thought.

His answer: "When I go to feed the chickens and only one comes, I don`t give it the whole bucket!"

The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress.

He asks that you respect his *privacy* during this challenging time.

Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer?

I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.

When I text I use the word duck a lot.

..

Mainly because auto-correct is a ditch.

What a shock! ..Got a letter in the mail that read "If you ever want to see you're wife alive again, leave $50,000 in unmarked bills in the trash can on Chester Blvd".

Seriously, does no one know the difference between "your" and "you're" anymore?

This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents' house

So on "The Bachelor," a guy gets to make out with 20 different hot women and each one of them is convinced that he'd be the perfect husband.

..

..

And this is a "reality" show?

So proud of myself for being healthy & buying vegetables

...

..

..

..

..

that are just gonna sit at the bottom of my fridge until they go bad.

Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group.

I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.

Remove negativity from your mind.

If you change 'Na' to 'Ya',
even Patna will become...

'Pataya'

Friend:
Where does your husband work.

Wife :
He’s involved in Oil & Gas.

Friend:
Wow... where is he based?

Wife:
Kitchen!!!

The lady who had crashed her car complained to the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a can at the time....

The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own garden!

My girlfriend’s birthday is in two days.
And she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”.
So I bought her nothing!

My mom told me to turn down the volume of music on my computer or else she would smash my head on the keyboard.

But I didn’t believejhyteqfgouy i77uufsrhg.

Today was my first day entering a court.
The judge shouted “Order, Order!!”
I was so excited,
So I shouted back “fried rice with chicken, five bottles of beer and a chilled glass of special ice mineral water.”
I am now locked up in a dark room.
I am sure they will bring my order soon.

One of the best hangover lines!

Wife: Baby you love me na?

Husband: Who is Meena?

Ek raat mai thodi late hokar ghar laut rahi thi....��
Achanak 2 boys ne raasta roka....aur mujhe tease karne lagey aur bole: ��Itni raat ko aur woh bhi akele...darr nahi lagta ����

Toh mai sirf itna he boli: "Bhaiya, jab zinda thi, toh bahut darti thi".....
������
Maa kasam, woh dono dikhe he nahi wapas....��������

An excellent idea for women safety ����