Height of internet addiction

At a funeral.....

A visitor: What's the WiFi password here?

Priest: respect the dead

Visitor: all small letters?����

What is *TANJOOBERRYMUTTS*???

By the time you read through this you will understand TANJOOBERRYMUTTS and then you will be ready to take on China!

Believe me... you WILL understand!!!

_The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a Hotel guest & room-service in China..._

Room Service: Morrin. Roon sirbees.

Guest: Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.

Room Service: Rye , Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen?

Guest: Uh... Yes, I'd like to order bacon & eggs.

Room Service: Ow ulai den?

Guest: .....What??

Room Service: Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?

Guest: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please.

Room Service: Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?

Guest: Crisp will be fine.

Room Service: Hokay. An sahn toes?

Guest: What?

Room Service: An toes. ulai sahn toes?

Guest: I.... Don't think so...
RoomService: No? Udo wan sahn toes???

Guest: I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means.

RoomService: Toes! Toes!... Why Uoo don wan toes?... Ow bow anglish moppin we botter?

Guest: Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine... Yes, an English muffin will be fine.

RoomService: We botter?

Guest: No, just put the botter on the side.

RoomService: Wad?!?

Guest: I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side.

RoomService: Copy?

Guest: Excuse me?

RoomService: Copy.. tea... meel?

Guest: Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything.

RoomService: One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh & copy... Rye ??

Guest: Whatever you say.

RoomService: Tanjooberrymutts.

Guest: You're welcome 

Remember I did say By the time you read through this... ...YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS'

And you do now, don't you? ✅

Effect of over flooded Diwali messages on WhatsApp.  People reply even without reading at all most of the time.

One doctor receives message from his friend:

*My daughter suffers from vomiting and loose motions, what should I give?*

Doctor replied:

*Wishing you the same and entire family. Enjoy the moments with full fun and rejuvenate*

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep.

As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

"Yes?"

"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?"

The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15."

The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger, "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"

"8:25!"

The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him.

To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!"

Once again he settled back to sleep.He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window. 

"Sir, sir? It's 8:45!"

At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom, it was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.

The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman, Alita, carrying a child. She started walking towards the pastor slowly.

Everything quickly turned to chaos: The bride slapped the groom.

The groom's mother fainted.

The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.

The pastor asked Alita, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"

Alita replied, "We can't hear anything in the back...!!!"

We applied Dove soap  on 5 Women Faces

And  We made 5 men have Whiskey

..

..

..

Men had more glow on their  faces.

After November 9th, 2016 Demonitization

Good night, sleep with your doors and windows open , nobody wants your money

......

Sharad Pawar has just been declared the poorest man in country !

......

Narendra Modi Allowed Rs 500 & 1000 Notes in Hospital Coz he Knew Many People Will Get a Heart Attack After This News !

.....

फिलहाल जिनके पास काला धन नहीं हैं वे whatsup पर है।

बाकी सब हिसाब लगा रहे हैं ☺☺

.....

Modi Ji ne kaha tha sabhi k Bank account mei 15 Lakh Ayenge.

Kisne socha tha log khud hi jma kraenge...!!

.....

Ye cheating hai!!
Kaala dhan bahar se laane ka vaada tha.
Yeh toh andar ka nikaal raha hai

.....

Heavy rush at hospitals... doctor Saab kisi bhi cheez ka operation kar do.....4-5 lakh wala

.....

Jumped red light, caught by police walah, gave him 1000 ka note. Police walah- Sir 100 hi de do...

.....

Sab se jyada problem to Big Boss k contestants ko hone wali h
Un becharo ko to pata bhi nhi bahar kya chal raha h
Jab tak bahar aayenge, tab tak sab khatam

.....

Abh chalu hogi asli Diwali saffai.
Chalo cubord ka kauna kauna saaf karo.
Aur dundo 500 Aur 1000 ka wo note khaha rakha tha.

.....

Diwali 30.10.2016
Labh Pancham - 06.11.2016
DIWALA - 09.11.2016

.....

India's 9/11 is more shocking thn America's... Lol

.....

America counting votes, India counting notes.

(Trump vs Hilary elections )

.....

'Aaj mere paas bangla hai, gaadi hai, naukar hai, aur tumhare paas kya hai?
.
.
'Mere pass 100-100 ke notes hai!'

Please don't send any msg tonight
..

..

Counting mein mistake hoti hai

Meanwhile Rahul Gandhi buys all talcum powder from the market to convert black money to white

Lol

Today's breaking news from mumbai dance bars:

..

..

..

Thegirls are throwing money on customers!

According to latest RBI notification, the full form of ATM has been temporarily changed to.......

*Aayega To Milega !!!*

Husband : why is the pulav smelling like tooth paste?

Wife : No change to get Lavang, pudina and salt from local shop, So I put a  small portion of the Pathanjali tooth paste which has all these three ingredients!

There was this guy who had married 6 times, but each of his wives had died soon after the marriages.

He wanted to marry a seventh time.....

But there was no women willing, because of his reputation.

Finally one woman came forward.....

She too had married 6 times and each of her husbands had died soon after the marriages.

People were curious to know what would happen when these two got married to each other.

The wedding took place and the very next day.......
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
/

To know the remaining story, give me change for Rs.2000/-

A recently fired
stock trader said …

“This is worse than a divorce…
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife…”

Demonetisation reminds me of sheep who cheered when their leader promised them a blanket each. Till one sheep asked," Where will the wool come from"?

As kids we were told not to meet strangers.

..

..

There are Apps for that now

As a responsible citizen,during heavy traffic also ,please give way immediately when you see

.
.

.
.
.
.
an ATM CASH VAN

My wife complained that we don't spend enough time together...

Taking her to the ATM today...!!

A beautiful married woman fell sick, went to a middle aged doctor who said that he would cure her in 2 days. The lady promised to do anything for him if she got cured. The doctor cured her in 2 days & then asked the lady for 'one night' with him as promised. The lady was aghast, but to keep her promise, she went to the doctor's house. The doctor told her to get into his car; he also put a chair in the car & drove to a deserted place.....
..
..
..
And then asked her to sit on the chair the whole night ...in front of the bank...to keep his place, till it opened next day at 9.30 am!!! Demonetization effect

dirty mind

Since last one week, whenever you come back from an ATM, everyone at Home/Office, gives you the
*"Gabbar Singh"* look and asks you;

*Kitne aadmi the.....?*

Please pray for me. I will be going to the hospital tomorrow. I think i have a problem with my eyes. Every time I look into my wallet, I see nothing.

How to convert all your black money into white following the #DeMonetization?

-> *Step 1* - Create a political party, and get registered under Representation of People's Act, 1951.
[Not a difficult task. There are more than 1000 registered parties who didn't even contest 2014 Lok Sabha Election, and EC cannot de-register a party.]

-> *Step 2* - Donate all your black money to your party in parts, each part should be less than 20,000. You can make infinite such donations, and say that they came from people.
[According to the RP Act 1951, the political parties are not required to report (to the Election Commission of India (ECI)) the name of the individuals or organizations from whom they have received donations of amount less than Rs.20,000.]

-> *Step 3* - Go to bank, deposit all this amount in the party's account.
[No need to pay any income tax. Political parties are 100% exempted from income tax.]

-> *Step 4* - Withdraw the amount as and when you need, in 50 / 100 / 2000 ₹ notes - It is all white.
[Since Political Parties are not under RTI, you can't ask them how they spent their money.]

A woman gets cheated by her husband.

Devastated, she doesn't know how to continue to live her life. She heard that there's a very wise monk who lives up in a mountain, and decided to go there to consult him.

After few days of traveling, walking, climbing, she reaches the top and meets the wise monk. "I have spent my whole life with him, my youth was dedicated to support him, take care of him. And now he left me with a young woman. My life is stolen, and I'm left with nothing. I don't know what to do".

The monk gives her a cookie and asks her to eat it. After she finishes eating, he ask: "Is the cookie delicious?" "Yes"- she answer. "Do you want another one?" "Sure, please". The monk looks her in the eyes and said "Do you see the problem now?"

The woman thinks for a while, and then slowly speak. "I guess human nature is greedy. You got one, then you want more, maybe a new one, bigger one. It's never enough. And nothing lasts forever, anything is impermanence. We should be aware and not disappointed for that".

The monk shakes his head "No, I mean you are too fat, you should eat less."

We applied Dove soap  on 5 Women Faces

And
We made 5 men have Whiskey

Men had more glow on their  faces.

One female used
Face Detection 
Lock/Unlock Feature
on her iPhone7.

Now she can't
unlock the iPhone 7
without make-up.....

Wife
was in the ICU

The husband
was unable
to control his tears

Doctor:
We are
trying our best but
can't guarantee anything

Her body is not reacting

It seems she is in a coma

.
.

Husband:
Doctor, please save her

She is just 30 years old
and the family needs her

.
.

Suddenly
something
happened

Miraculously

the ECG started beeping
like crazy

A hand moved

her lips mumbled

And she spoke:

I'm 28..!