Hindu married men sending a request to Narendra Modi... 

"Sir, woh teen talaak ka matter clear ho jaaye,  toh woh saat janam wala matter bhi dekh lijiye please."

😀😀😉

At a Punjabi wedding, the DJ asks: how long do I need to play?

Host : Play for 8-10 pegs. After that, these guys will even dance to the sound of the generator.... 😂

In an investment seminar a man saw a beautiful lady and falls in love instantly. He proposes her. But being a financial planning expert she asks about his background....
He said - "..well, I am an ordinary man today, but few months later, after my ailing father dies, I would inherit 300 crore property ..."

The lady was deeply impressed ...and they exchanged thier business cards...

...and within a month 
the lady walks into his house as his step mother...😜

Moral: Investment is subject to market risks...
Don't sell your dream to others before it becomes reality

My husband sent me a text that said, "Your sexy". So, naturally, I wrote back, "No, you're sexy". 

He's been walking around all happy😌 and smiley😁. 

Do I tell him I was just correcting his grammar or just leave it at that? 😂😄

This is what happens in school groups for parents. Simply hilarious 😂😂😂😂

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mom 1 : Hello moms 😄 my son didn’t go to school today , pls tell what was the HW?
Mom 2: Arre! My son has just written the word ‘Family’ in the rough book, what is it?
Mom 1 : is that HW 😳
Mom 2: I don’t know , I am also asking ya? Pata nahi!!!
Mom 3: They have to write about their Family
Mom 4 : My son has also drawn pics along with 4 lines about family, but he has not written in rough book , he has written in Science Book.
Mom 5 : They have Science??? 😳
Mom 4: I mean EVS, same thing as Science, na?
Mom 1 : So should I do it in EVS book or rough book?
Mom 2: Arre, I am also confused. 😳😳
Mom 6: Ladies, they have to write about the members in the family and draw or stick pictures.
Mom 1 : ☺ Thnx, but which book?
Mom 2 : 👍
Mom 4 : so should I erase it from his Science book and do it again in rough book ? pls tell
Mom 6 : I don’t know , you decide. Wait I will sms the teacher
Mom 2: No I think they have to do in EVS Book, let it be.
Mom 7 : They have a Science book???
Mom 8: My son has lost his chotha bheem pouch, pls moms check if it’s in your sons bag, thanks in advance
Mom 2: Mom4 can you pls share picture of how your kid has done his Family HW.
Mom 4 : ( sends pic)
Mom 2: 👍
Mom 1:  👍
Mom 5: 👍
Mom 6: 👍
( Many other silent moms on the chat send signs for this )
Mom 9 : No I can’t come for dinner, rehne do!!!
Mom 9 : Ooppss!! So sorry wrong group !!!!
Mom 10: WOW! Mom4 your son’s handwriting is superb!!!
Mom 7 : Mom4 do you make him practice???
Mom 4 : Ya! I make him do cursive handwriting with a book by Marion Richards
Mom 11: where do you get it?
Mom 4 : At Lucky store!
Mom 8 : Sorry , my son has also lost his ID tag, pls check your sons bags, many thnx
( by now even Mom 11, Mom 12, Mom 13 & Mom 14 send pics of ‘FAMILY’ homework done by their kidlets, which results in many like emoticon signs once again by other moms)
Mom 15: Listen ya Mom 11, your son draws damn well ya!!!
Mom 11 : thnx ☺
Mom 1 : So should I do it in rough book or EVS book ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
(Total Silence , all Moms go AWOL ....couple of hours later )
Mom 27: smile emoticon Moms, you are all invited for my sons b’day on 27th July , blah , blah , blah, , blah , blah , blah, , blah , blah , blah, , blah , blah , blah, , blah , blah , blah, , blah , blah , blah smile emoticon
Mom 12: 👍
Mom 1:  👍
Mom 15:  👍
Mom 4:  👍
Mom 20:  👍
Mom 13:  👍
Mom 5:  👍
Mom 3:  👍
Mom 1: Please tell me na but , koi batao na pl pls…So should I do it in rough book or EVS book ?
Mom 27 : DO what????
.
.
.
.
.
( At midnight)
Mom 31 : Hi moms, sorry for the late msg, but does any one know what we have to do with the ‘Family’ HW in the rough book ????

Indian Inventions

1. Always order soup 1 by 2 (invented in India). That way you get more if you had ordered 1 soup with an extra bowl.

2. When ordering sugar cane juice, first insist on no ice cubes .
However after the first few sips, ask for the ice cubes with a straight face.

3. Ask for extra puri when you are just finishing your bhel or sev-puri.
It is absolutely ok !

4. Ask for pani after finishing Gol-gappa. It is good for health.

5. Ask for free cucumber / boiled aloo after you have eaten and paid for your sandwich.
Remember ~ after you have paid.

6. Sample all the ice cream flavours free at Natural Ice Cream and then order Sitaphal.

7. When buying peanuts or groundnuts or Chana-Chor-Garam it is ok to keep on munching freebies from the display area till the time your order is getting packed.
It is your birthright !

8. At most Mughlai restaurants you can make a small meal with the free Papad,
peanuts, onions, pickles and chutney so you can skip the starters.

9. Always ask for free sherbet after you have super sucked your
Kala Khatta Gola back into de ice 

10. Lastly do not forget to give 'MISSED CALL ' ( a concept invented by the Indians)...

One of the real time jokes in Court:

SC Judge to Attorney General G. Ramaswamy:

 "You think we are
Fools? "....................

Ramaswamy : "My lord has put me in a very difficult situation. If I agree I am in Contempt, if I disagree I commit Perjury" !!!

That got even the SC JUdges laughing !!!

Wife: Today, I want to relax,
so I have brought three movie tickets.

Husband: why three tickets?

Wife: you and your parents. 

A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university:
"I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a token, please each put £1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a 
financial planner, each very successful financially.

When their father's time had come and they saw their father in the coffin, they remembered his wish.

First, it was the doctor who put 20 X £50 notes on the chest of the deceased.

Then, came the financial planner, who also put £1,000 there.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn. He dipped into his pocket, took out his cheque book, wrote a cheque for £3,000, put it under his father's body, took the £2,000 cash and closed the 
coffin's lid.......
He went on to become a member of Parliament.

Dr.- Your case is quite complicated.

Patient- Why doctor? What happened?

Dr.- You got a disease from the chapter  which I left as optional during my studies...

😨

Husband and wife both die in a Car accident.

Husband becomes Bhoot. Wife becomes Chudail.

They both meet after some time. 

Wife: Kitne changed lag rahe ho Bhoot bankar. 

Husband: Pagli, tu bilkul nahi badli. 

😃😃😃😃😃

The Realistic One I read today....

Dear Pakistanis we as a nation have become immune to the martyrdom of our soldiers because they are paid to die , you just try and kill one of our cows then we will show you the fun .

Things every Mom does when she's angry

https://youtu.be/l2mKnW2TIsU

Click on the link

A boy asked his mom,
'At what age will I be able to leave home and not to report to you?'

Mom's ROCKING reply:
'Even your dad has not reached that age!'

😂😂😂😂😂

Me to my younger brother : Mujhe Aap bola karo.

Younger bro: Shut Aap.

😭

At 3 pm she texted " Me or cricket?? "

At 11 pm he replied " You of course my love " 

💖

Wife, " my husband has swallowed his Pancard, by mistake. Doctor, do something, immediately."

Doctor, " Get him to swallow his  Aadhar, both need to be linked, before I attempt anything."

Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:

BFF: Best Friend Fainted 

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth 

CBM: Covered by Medicare 

FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers 

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out 

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

I've found that paradise... 
where all wives are lovely, 
all husbands are loving, 
and  all children are angels

🌿



🌴


it's called... 
Facebook

😛

In New York, two beggars were sitting side by side, one with "OM" sign and the other with "CROSS" sign.

People passing that area were giving dirty 😡 look to the beggar carrying the OM sign but giving a dollar to the one carrying the CROSS sign.

This was going on, when a father of a church was passing by and noticed this. He came to beggar who was carrying the OM sign and told him that you are in a country, where people follow Christianity. You being a Hindu will hardly get any alms. Just to make you feel jealous and frustrated people are giving dollars to your counterpart.

After the Father left, the beggar carrying the OM sign said the following in Gujarati to his counterpart:-
"Jignesh Bhai"?

"Yes Mansukh Bhai"

Now this Father will teach us how to do business!!!!

😂

Goa was the first state where Hindus got converted to Christianity.

How did St Francis convert Goans to Christianity ?                 

He said, "Jesus healed the sick ". 
Goans didn't believe him.

He said, "Jesus died for u". 
Goans said "oh ". 

He said, Jesus fed 5000 people from 5 loaves and 2 fishes". 
Goans said , "Saiba bhogos ". 

Then He said, "Jesus changed water to wine ". 

27% Goans immediately converted to Christianity .

😂😂😂😂😂

Dr Dr help me please!

Women will now be in combat roles in the Army

Woman Jawan will be called Jawani.

Woman Jawan climbing ropes will be called Chadti Jawani.

Woman Jawan participating in flood relief will be called Behti Jawani.

Woman Sahayak of Lt Shiela will be called Shiela ki Jawani.

A Korean actress revealed that she eats only 3 spoons of rice everyday in order to be slim.

Indian women eat those 3 spoons to check whether the Biriyani is ready or not!!

Hahahahahahahaha!

On 24/July/2017


Just a reminder to all married people: 

If you have promised ur wife or husband  that you will love her 24/7 

then today is 24/7

Mumbaikars are confused.....

Whether to look down for Potholes...

Or look up for falling trees....

Now, even crumbling buildings.....

In all this mess... 

 no time to look at Smartphone ! 

Risk to life has increased multiple times !

Boss : "Can you come to office on Sunday there is some work to finish."

Employee : "Sure. However, I will be late at work as public transport on Sunday's is really bad."

Boss : "Sure.. that should be fine.. by when would you reach?"

Employee: "Monday!" 

To-Let

Akshay's new movie that's about to release - Toilet.
How would u ask your friends out for the movie?
Chalo Toilet chalenge.
And FB status updates?
At toilet with GF and four other friends...!!!😜😂


And comments after seeing would be like.... 😂😂😂kya zarbardast toilet that re...utne ka mann hi nahi karra tha🤣🤣
And jo sound effects the.... dolby digital surround 😂

Yesterday was MITRON divas...




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Today is , Bhaiyo aur Behno divas...

(2017 Friendship day and Raksha Bandhan joke)

15 Signs you went to a Convent School in India

1. Irrespective o-f your faith, you will still make the Sign of the Cross when you pass a Church

2. Visit to the School chapel was an ABSOLUTE MUST daily

3. You are allergice to wrong pronunciations and grammar and modern chat short cuts.

4. Exploring the buildings where the Sisters and Trainees used to live was SUPER EXCITING!!!

5. You still remember your school assembly hymn.

6. You used to modify the pledge, "All Indians are my brothers and sisters.. except one"

7. When someone mentions prayer, you automatically start thinking.... "Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be thy name...etc"

8. You know Mother Mary, Jesus Christ, Guardian Angel very well!!

9. Principal of your school wore gowns

10. You tried to peep under Sister's head veil to check the length of her hair and hair style.

11. Moral Science was more important than actual science.

12. At some point you fancied the idea of dressing like a nun.

13. Indian festival holidays + Catholic holidays = Amazing school life!!!

14. When someone mentions "Sister", "Father" up think of nuns and priests!!!

15. Sex education class bottom line : Sex before marriage = Sin = NO NO!!

Question -

Who is better ?

Wife or sister 

,

,


,


,



Heart touching answer:

Wife's sister

Man : What is the fee for getting a divorce ?

Lawyer: 50000/ -.

Man: You took only 500/ for the marriage registration ?

Lawyer: Freedom is always expensive !

Happy Independence Day. 

This one's a killer...

Biology Class Teacher: Which Mammal flies in air but gives birth to young ones on land?

Sardar was so excited, as for the 1st time he knew the 'Answer'!!

Sardar: AIRHOSTESS!!!